just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
