I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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