oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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