careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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