when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Randomize
