so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
