He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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