I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
