I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
