so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
