I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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