When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
