I heard we made out
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
