Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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