I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
