i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
even my farts smell like vagina
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
