Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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