I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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