the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
