shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
