I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
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