ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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