i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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