We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
