There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
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