I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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