Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
