It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
No subtext here. People are naked.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
