We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
