I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
