You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
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I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
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You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
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