my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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