so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
