i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
So much rum. So many feels.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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