you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I checked into jail on foursquare
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
