Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
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