You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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