so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
