1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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