Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
