Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
We had to coat check the pizza.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
A bitchslap is in order.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
