If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
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