thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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