piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
