clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
