Where did you get a picture of my penis
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I queefed so loud it echoed.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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