I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
