I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
We had to coat check the pizza.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Randomize
