She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
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I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
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