My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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