Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president