I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.