My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
