I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
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And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
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I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.