Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.