I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
