Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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