waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
