I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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