Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
