When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize