I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
