I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
