The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize