Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
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For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
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BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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