my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
