Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
