so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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