I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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