i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
