I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Randomize
