I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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