I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
