So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
