sorry about calling you the devil all night.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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