I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
