So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
