Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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