It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Randomize
