just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
