just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
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