Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
